He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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