i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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