i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
