I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
