Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
