No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
