I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
