He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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