all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize