You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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