i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
