when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am one with the molecules
did i just pee glitter
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
