Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Even my vagina gasped.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize