I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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