I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
