Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
