My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
