How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
