ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
