So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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