Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize