Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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