i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
