I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Of course I have a pirate flag
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize