Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
