I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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