his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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