I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
