YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
