Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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