Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
