i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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