oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
