it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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