i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize