Barsexuality is the new black.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
