but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
