Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize