so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
