nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
