Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
