My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
