I love black thongs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize