I showed him my bush... on skype.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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