there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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