did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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