So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
