We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
