Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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