life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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