In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
