Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize