There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
