Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
