butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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