By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
