I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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