did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
tell me about the fingering
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
