you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
