I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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