the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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