Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
