he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
