I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
