I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
