Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
