So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
