We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize