I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
