Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
