I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
