I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how does that bad decision feel?
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